Are Your Truly in Love or Lust?

Dear Friend,

There are distinct differences between love and lust but often it’s hard to see. Do you know that falling in love happens over time and that journey from attraction to deep, trusting, romantic love is a predictable course?

Love is an intense feeling of affection that is profound and caring, leading to an emotional attachment.

Lust, on the other hand, is an intense desire of a sexual nature, based on physical attraction. Now while lust can transform into love, it will take time. Lust can only ever become love if you see the whole person – strengths, weaknesses and all and go beyond the ‘fantasy’ level of the relationship.

So are you in the lust, attraction of love stage right now?


The first stage of falling in love is lust and it’s driven by sexual desire. This stage can be instant and can last up to two years.

Are you:

  • Focused on the physical appearance of your partner?
  • Feeling a strong desire to have sex but not have deep emotional conversations?
  • Preferring to keep the relationship on a fantasy level and not discuss real feelings?
  • Lovers but not necessarily friends?

You are in lust my friend.


Commonly known as the ‘love-struck’ stage, attraction is that time when you wile away hours daydreaming about your partner and you often lose your appetite and sleep. You may have that racing heart caused by the dopamine, norepinephrine and serotonin coursing through your body.

If you’re feeling like this then, you are in attraction my friend.


When you move beyond the attraction/courting stage and you have had the opportunity to see your partner’s whole personality – strengths, weaknesses – and you still choose to accept them for who and what they are, another neurohormone called oxytocin takes over. Basically this is the commitment hormone and promotes bonding. Our bodies and our minds are made to bond and connect with a partner with whom we trust and experience pleasure.

Do you:

  • Have an emotional craving that is even stronger than the sex drive?
  • Feel possessive and only desire that one person?
  • Want to spend quality time together, even without sex?
  • Get lost in conversations, often losing track of time?
  • Want to listen to their feelings and make them happy?
  • Want to be a better person for them?
  • Want to meet and get to know their friends and family?

And if you can’t stop thinking about them, you, my friend sound like you’re in love.

Don’t rush thing though; allow it to develop as it should. Remember that the more you bring honesty, passion, romance and love into your relationship to easier it will be to attract a partner that shares those qualities.

If you need some guidance or have questions about the stage you are currently in and what the path forward holds, I’m here to help.

Yours in peace and healing,